The next few weeks hold some of the most quintessential social events of high school: proms, graduations, and the last days with your friends from high school. Built up as the pinnacle of the year, they say these are the days you’ll remember forever and the make-or-break moment of high school. Stepping back, it’s a lot of pressure crammed into a few weeks.

At eighth grade sleepovers, in between freezing underwear and playing “truth or dare,” we’d steal prom magazines from the bedrooms of our older sisters and imagine what high school would be like.

We predicted that the boys would be tall, dark and handsome — ready to sweep us off our feet (instead of shorter than us, and trying to snap our bra straps like they did every day in middle school) and we would be thin, tan and glamorous in dresses imported from Paris (or at least bought new and not a hand-me-down). We would finally be adults and we’d remember it forever.

While it hasn’t been forever (more like a decade) I’m surprised by the memories that remain. High school held lots of choices and the consequences — for better or worse — remained long after the rental tuxes were returned and diplomas were framed. These are a few memories I’ve kept:

• What I remember: the moment we included someone who had been left out.

  When I look through the boxes of pictures I have from high school, I can’t remember the names of the girls that I desperately hoped would like me. I do remember Lauren, however. She stands a bit apart from the group in many snapshots, looking uncomfortable.

  One night we were all out for ice cream and when Lauren looked uncertain about where to sit, I gestured to the seat next to me and included her in the conversation.

  You know the Laurens in your school. Make the choice to make them welcome.

• What I remember: the friends who encouraged and respected me.
  

  How do you decide who your friends are? Scripture holds a lot of wisdom about friendship. A great meditation on how to be a blessing and be blessed by those in your company is Sirach 6.The author advises, “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter, whoever finds one finds a treasure” (Sirach 6:14).

  A faithful friend wants what is best for you, what will ensure your safety and your health. A faithful friend encourages the truth in your relationship and your relationships with others (including your parents). Good friends reveal God. They are the ones you will keep.

  Make the choice to be a friend who reveals God, even if it means having fewer friends.

• What I remember: fun days, fun nights and mornings with no regrets.

  “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?”

  You have probably heard this exhortation from St. Paul, to the Corinthians many times, in relation to the choices you make. Often left un-read is the second half of 1 Corinthians 6:19, “you are not your own.”

  In choosing what you do to commemorate these final days of school, whether after graduation, prom or band practice, at the forefront of our mind and hearts should be this reality that all is a gift from God, to be used for His glory. This doesn’t require walking around yelling, “hallelujah,” but it demands that our actions be a reflection of who we belong to. We are not our own.

  Make the decision, now, to walk away from any situation that includes drugs, alcohol or sexual temptation.

I thought the memories I’d take from high school would be of glamorous outfits, pretty people, and epic parties. My memories are of moments that I chose to do what was right, even when it wasn’t easy or popular. These choices — and their consequences — are what will stay with you from these last days of high school and form you into the adult you’re becoming.

Click on the image above for more epic quotes.

“Some of you may be tempted to take flight from responsibility: in the fantasy worlds of alcohol and drugs, in shortlived sexual relationships without commitment to marriage and family, in indifference, in cynicism and even in violence. Put yourselves on guard against the fraud of a world that wants to exploit or misdirect your energetic and powerful search for happiness and meaning. But do not avoid the search for the true answers to the questions that confront you. Do not be afraid!” – John Paul II, January 1, 1985 for the World Day of Peace

Read More: Peace and Youth Go Forward Together

Questions for Your Journal

1. Why is their pressure to party? Have I ever drank or done drugs with my friends? If so, why did I do it?
2. What is the fantasy of drugs, alcohol, and hooking up? What is the reality?
3. Am I afraid of being different? What do I need from God so that I can stand strong?

The previous blog I wrote, “Thinking about Drinking,” brought with it a lot of feedback, Facebook shares, and email responses. The most common response I received was from high school teens who don’t drink but were wondering if it was wrong for them to go to parties where there is drinking.

This is an old debate – so old that I even had it with my own youth minister back when Katy Perry was still watching Sesame Street.

Some say if you’re at the party and you don’t drink, you can be a good example to people who need it. Others say that if you go at all, you’re basically approving of what’s going on there because of your very presence at the party.

You can argue either point all day long; both arguments are valid and need to be prayerfully considered. On one hand, yes, people at parties need Jesus, too. On the other hand, yes, going does condone on some level what is happening there. Presence nonverbally communicates a variety of things to different people.

So, the fundamental question is, “What am I going to accomplish by going or by not going?”

Yes, maybe by going and not drinking you’ll be a good example, but that isn’t enough of a reason to go. There’s no guarantee that people there will know you’re not drinking – they might be too drunk. They might assume you drink but lost the flip of the coin and are the designated driver. They might think you’re okay with underage consumption but signed a contract with your coach not to drink, or made a pact with someone else not to do it. Standing there with a bottle of water in your hand might communicate one thing in your mind but it doesn’t necessarily say it to the room.

The next question becomes whether or not you need to be there at the party to be a much-needed example. There are plenty of other places, times, and opportunities to point thirsty souls to the living water of Christ (John 7:37).

Too often, going to a party with the intention of “being an example” is a justification people use to avoid standing out or standing up for their faith. They want to do the right thing but not to suffer socially for it.

Not going to the party makes a much bolder statement. It doesn’t mean you’re judgmental. It doesn’t mean you’re anti-fun or anti-friend. It means you’re pro-God. You might think people won’t notice or won’t care, but you’re wrong. No, the entire school might not take notice but some people will. Your courageous example to step away might be exactly what others need to see to do the same. There are others who, if given another option, would rather not be at the party.

If you’re willing to stand and lead you might spend some weekend nights alone, yes, but your soul will be at peace. Your confidence and your esteem will grow because you know who you are and what you stand for. In reaffirming Who you live for your faith life will grow too. That’s attractive and contagious. Others will want what you seem to have. You’ll be amazed how many people (who might lack the courage) would be willing to blow off parties to do something a little more creative and a whole lot more fun.

It just takes a leader. It takes someone willing to stand up and be counted even if it means mockery or social suffering. Saints didn’t set out to have huge followings. Saints set out to follow Jesus, and others followed them in their pursuit of Him.

For instance: “I heard that the Bible doesn’t say drinking alcohol is a sin.”

“Well, no, the Bible does not say that drinking alcohol is a sin,” I respond. I then go on to explain that it does become sinful (very easily), if any of the following happen:

• If you are not of legal age. (Rom. 13:1-7, Mt 22:21)
• If you fail to do so in moderation – meaning you should not get drunk or even “buzzed.” (1 Thes 5:6-8, Gal 5:21, Rom 12:1-3; 13:13)
• If your consumption leads you to dependence upon it. (1 Tim 3:8, Titus 2:3, Lk 21:34)
• If doing so – in any way – leads others into sin. (Rom 14:21, 2 Cor 6:3, Mt 13:41)

Some young people embrace these truths and accept them with humility as they try to grow in holiness. Others just try to debate, justify, legitimize, or argue their way around them because they don’t like the answer. Here’s where the disconnect usually happens. Where do you want your energy to go: toward the Lord or towards some desired “loophole?”

High school students sometimes argue that they are mature enough to drink alcohol before they’re 21. “I can die for my country, but I can’t buy a beer,” I often hear uttered by seniors.

The question at hand is not your maturity, necessarily. I know plenty of people who are chronologically legal to drink, but far too immature to be doing so. Maturity is about more than age, but true maturity also encompasses humility, and wisdom. Obedience is an even greater sign of maturity than courage; it takes courage (and humility) to be obedient.

Some teens say there’s just nothing fun to do in their town or argue about how stressful their life is and how they just need a drink to relax. If you need alcohol to have fun or to relax – that’s a sad statement about your life, your friends, and a probable sign of a far deeper problem like addiction.

Some people just want an excuse – alcohol – to act like an idiot or to be sexually promiscuous without being held too accountable for it. Drunkenness doesn’t excuse or justify sins – it adds to the sin and often magnifies them even more. You are not held accountable by God only for what you remember… but for what you do.

Others think that drinking alcohol in some way validates and legitimizes them, or makes them more of an adult. This is just stupid. Your worth comes from Jesus Christ, not from drinking. Your dignity comes from God. And while the Bible does not overtly say that drinking alcohol is sinful, it is very, very clear in warning about the dangers and problems that often come with alcohol.

As we focus on Integrity, it’s important to point out that our holiness is not measured by what we want but by what God wants for us. Obedience and humility make us holy. An openness to God’s grace makes us holy. Allowing that grace to make us more virtuous makes us holy.

The cup that Christ offers us to drink from is not being passed from a keg – it is a cup of sacrifice, a cup of suffering that comes with putting God’s will ahead of our own.

For those of you still reading, I’m proud of you. I’m very proud of you, because your heart is open – maybe more open than you realize – and the Lord wants to speak to that openness.

For those who have gotten angry while reading this – I’d invite you to pray about this more in the Lord’s presence. Go before the Blessed Sacrament with your arguments and philosophies and see if the Lord is as supportive of them as your friends are.

God wants us to be pure. God wants us to live for Him. God wants us to be examples. God wants us to lead others to holiness, not to sin. St. Paul called this “the law of love.” It basically meant that we should avoid anything that could cause one of our fellow brothers or sisters in Christ to stumble or fall on their walk toward Him.

So where do you want to spend your energy – seeking the Lord or the loopholes?

Some people will argue that it’s not worth going to church because the pews are filled with hypocrites–people who say one thing and do another. This is a valid point, but critics are missing the whole reason you go to church. You go to church because you need God, not because you are perfect. You go to church because you are bad at being holy.

So what’s the difference between a church full of sinners and a church full of hypocrites? Pride. Pride makes one more concerned with looking holy than BEING holy. It’s pride that corrupts a church to the point where nobody feels welcome because everybody is judged. But above all, pride prevents us from experiencing God’s grace.

This is where we, as Catholics, have a unique source of healing and grace: the sacrament of reconciliation. I mean think about it, the whole experience of confession is humbling, leaving no room for pride. We are expected to spill out all of our issues, our problems, and our sins. Sometimes it’s the embarrassment alone that can prevent one from sinning in the first place. The act of confessing with our lips is so powerful that even non-Catholics see the healing that can come from it.

Many Christian denominations have made “accountability groups” or “accountability partners” as a critical part of forming their congregations. People are paired off and asked to meet to talk about their sins–to confess their sins–with hopes that once we are brutally honest about our sinfulness, we might have our first chance of true healing. But we can’t just think of reconciliation as a rite of humiliation that discouraged from sinning.

Reconciliation is a sacrament, a way that God shares real grace that helps us get through this earth so we can eventually be with Him. Think of grace as an energy drink for the exercise of holiness. It’s only when we experience God’s grace do we have a chance at not being a hypocrite. And surrounded by his grace, we are able to be more loving and accepting of anyone who comes through our church doors.

A great saint said it the best: “The church is not a waiting room for saints, it’s a hospital for sinners.”

As a homeschooler, my prom experience wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you see in the movies. Instead of a giant museum hall filled with balloons, streamers, and an amazing DJ, I had a boombox and some microwave taquitos.

Okay, that might be an overstatement. Honestly, I didn’t go to prom – which makes it weird that I’d be writing about it for all of you guys getting ready for it. So to fill in my gaps in prom knowledge, I asked around the Life Teen staff to come up with some tips for making the big dance a night to remember.

1. Don’t fear parents.

   You’re almost at the end of high school, almost through the gateway of becoming an independent adult. It can seem like prom is the perfect time to cast off your parents and ‘be your own person,’ but you can actually have a great time getting them involved. You might not want your dad to be the DJ, but having dinner at someone’s parents’ house can save you money and build trust between you and them. If your parents are willing to help out or get involved, don’t be too quick to shrug it off.

   And guys – every dude older than you remembers that super-awkward moment when they had to wait for their date to finish getting ready. You. Parents. Living room. Awkward. Here’s how to burst that uncomfortable bubble: take initiative and be yourself. If you’re trying to live out your faith, there’s nothing you need to hide from them (and nothing that’ll make your date’s dad have to show you his gun collection). Be respectful, stay relaxed, and give them as much info as you can. Remember – parents love knowing what’s going on.

2. The more, the merrier.

   A good date is important – if having a good time is your goal, make sure that you’re going with someone you actually get along with. Status is no reason to put up with a date that doesn’t actually want to hang out with you. There’s nothing wrong with taking a good friend to prom, and if you’re going to actually make it a date date it probably shouldn’t be the first one. That’s just putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on both of you.

   Whether you have a date or not, going to prom in a group is always a good plan. It makes sure you have people to talk to and hang out with, cuts down the cost of transportation and dinner, and lets you create your own dance-within-a-dance if things get sketchy on the dance floor.

3. Take a breath.

   Prom is a fun, once (or twice) a lifetime kind of thing – but it’s not going to be the most important night of your life. It takes a lot of prep work (and money), but ladies, it’s not your wedding. When push comes to shove, you’re going to a dance with your friends. The more you relax and focus on having a good time, the less pressure you’ll put on yourself (and your date) to make it into something out of a Nicholas Sparks book.

4. Stay true to who you are.

   There are a lot of people trying to sell you an idea of prom. Maybe it’s that independent streak that kept me wearing punk rock jackets and Chuck Taylors in high school, but I think you need to be yourself. If that means picking a weird suit or dress, getting hamburgers for dinner, or even spending some time in the Chapel before or afterwards.

   Most of all, stay Catholic. Live out your values and have a good time. Hooking up or getting drunk aren’t going to leave you with anything other than regrets and bad memories the next morning. Like I said before, if you’re living for God, those shouldn’t be in your plans anyway.

Oh, and one last thing. If your date’s wearing white, don’t order the spaghetti with red sauce. Trust me.

A: Your question actually has two parts to it. The first teaching is the proper use of the things of this earth. You see everything on earth is given to us for our benefit. Think back to the whole Creation account where God gives all the “seed bearing plants all over the church and every tree that has seed-bearing fruit on it to be your food; and to all the animals of the land, all the birds of the air, and all the living creatures that crawl on the ground, I give all the green plants for food” (Genesis 1:29-30). That means that everything that we have should never be abused such as food, environment, resources, and drink. Now you say in moderation and that’s good, the Church has no problem with the idea of drink in moderation (I mean, in the Gospel of John, where does Jesus’ first miracle happen…at a party…making more wine!) but this comes into the second part of your answer.

We would also ask that you would follow the laws of the country as well, that means that if you’re not 21 don’t be drinking! And the other thing that I would ask you is that if you are over 21 be very aware of how you do moderate the drinking of alcohol. It is so easy to sometimes in the college setting or high school setting or with your peers or any one hat you are trying to impress, to just give in if they want to drink because you want to feel apart of the crowd. Like everything else that God has given us, alcohol can serve a good purpose, but not if it is being abused.

So I want to thank you for your question I know a lot of people want to ask and I would just say again in moderation is okay, but also only if you’re of legal age to drink. And if you’re not of age then don’t be so quick to grow up, there’s still going to be plenty of alcohol left when you turn 21…people drink it all the time and still they make more.