At a conference for High School journalists, Dan Savage gave a talk that was supposed to be about anti-bullying. Instead it was anti-Christian. As he began to talk about the “bullish*t” of what can be found in the Bible, many Christian students stood up and walked out on him – a move he later called “pansy-assed.” Here’s the video. It’s about three minutes, but be forewarned there is some swearing going on in it (not suitable if kids are nearby).

The video has gone viral since being posted three days ago, the vast majority of people giving it a “like.” The comments below the video are horrifically anti-gay and only go to further the disgusting stereotype that Savage is bashing in his speech.

My first reaction to this video was shock. I couldn’t believe that someone could speak like that in such a public forum. If a speaker in a similar forum talked about how Jesus died for all of our sins he or she would have been rushed off the stage. But I quickly got over that. St. Peter wrote, “Don’t be surprised that a trial is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you.” (1 Peter 4:12) Christians should expect to be persecuted.

I Feel Bad For Dan Savage . . .

My next reaction was sympathy. There was a part of me that felt bad for him. Here is a man who has been abused by people claiming to be Christian. He references being insulted and physically beat up while others have died over this. And for him the source of blame is the Bible.

He suggests that we should overlook the prohibitions in the Bible regarding same sex activity just as we overlook things like stoning women who are adulterers. I teach a course on Scripture at Franciscan University of Steubenville and I’ll be honest: it’s hard to read things like that in Scripture. Interestingly enough, the reason we find it hard to read is because we’ve been transformed by Christ who we also learn about in the Bible. For there are many cultures (who don’t read the Bible) who would still agree with those kind of behaviors.

Barbaric Humanity

If the law of God seems barbaric in the Old Testament, we have to remember that it was because 3,500 years ago humanity was barbaric, at least by our Western civilization standards of the 21st century. When you hear of the genocides that still occur today you can argue that not much has changed in some places in the world.

God slowly revealed Himself to the Israelites so that through them the world might learn what it truly means to live and love through the example and teaching of Jesus Christ. We don’t stone women anymore for adultery—”Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” is one of the most famous lines of Jesus (John 8). In fact, we don’t believe in capital punishment at all (unless keeping the prisoner alive is a danger to society—an argument that makes more sense when prisoners were kept in tents and clay houses than billion dollar penitentiaries.)

Is the Bible Pro-Slavery?

Savage mentions that “the Bible is a radically pro-slavery document.” I believe this accusation to be purposefully ignorant. Yes, St. Paul wrote of the respect and duty that slaves should have for their masters and masters for their slaves. But while the term “slave” is used in broad terms in both the Old and New Testament, it is NEVER used in the way it was experienced in America (capturing people from their native land, selling them off for profit, denying rights, justifying abuse . . . ).

The Jewish people experienced that kind of slavery at the hand of the Egyptians and a strong part of their Law was to not do that to anyone else.

The Jewish people were strongly opposed to slavery since they were slaves themselves for years

In the Jewish custom, a slave was more like an indentured servant who could only sell themselves, not be sold by someone else. And after six years they’d have to be released unless they begged their master to be a servant for life (Exodus 21:5) and even then only the judges could decide if that could happen.

But I understand Savage’s deeper point. In the time of slavery in America, some slave owners used the Bible to justify their actions. They were wrong to do so. In our current time, there are many Americans who bully and discriminate against people with same sex attractions and use the Bible to justify their actions.

Guess what? They are wrong to do so, too.

Love One Another

Christianity has much to atone for in the way we have treated people with homosexual attractions. If only we were as shocked at the way the media portrays sinful heterosexual activity! It’s too easy to be shocked and disgusted at the sins we aren’t tempted to commit because we have no sympathy for the offender. (Whereas we are naturally kinder to people who struggle with our same issues.) Jesus didn’t say, “Love one another . . . except for the gays.”

We are all commanded by Christ to love as He loved us and to treat each other with the dignity that comes from being made in the image and likeness of God. It seems clear to me that Dan Savage has never experienced that love from people who claim to know Christ but instead has experienced the opposite. And that’s why I feel such sorrow when I hear him speak.

However, just because people get the Bible wrong doesn’t mean the Bible is wrong.

Savage (and others) think the Bible and Christianity is the problem. If that were true then cultures not formed on the Bible should be tolerant and accepting of homosexual behavior . . . but that is not always the case.

In a 2007 Pew Survey that asked if homosexuality should be accepted in society, Latin America, Western Europe, and Central Europe found about half agreeing with that idea. But Southern and Eastern Europe, the Middle East, huge portions of Asia and all of Africa strongly disagreed. It’s hard to suggest that the Bible has influenced predijuce in China and India. (See the study here, page 35.)

And though I feel some sympathy for the man, that doesn’t mean I sympathize at all with his position. He’s wrong and I think it was horrible that he used that opportunity with high school teenagers to bash the Bible. He would have been way more effective sharing with those teenagers the pain of being judged and condemned by people with religious beliefs than attacking Christianity. He was “fighting back” to a group of kids who hadn’t done him any harm. It was immature and inappropriate.

The Anti-Bully Bully

I was proud of the students who walked out on him. It wasn’t “pansy-assed.” It was just the opposite. In Savage’s attempt to teach teens about not discriminating against homosexuals, he became the bully.

Who's being the bully here?

The world won’t see it that way. His anti-Christian rhetoric will be justified as “righteous anger” that blames all people of faith for any unjust act done against a person with same-sex attraction. More and more in society today, people think to be Christian is to be a bigot. They think that we who believe that sex was made for a man and woman in marriage should hang our head in shame and stay home on voting day to atone for our sins.

Sadly, many Christians are doing just that. These issues are driving many away from the Church. It reminds me of something the artist formerly known as Ratzinger wrote in 1970 (from his book Faith and the Future, this quote taken from here) :

“The church will become small and will have to start afresh more or less from the beginning.

She will no longer be able to inhabit many of the edifices she built in prosperity. As the number of her adherents diminishes . . . she will lose many of her social privileges. . . As a small society, [the Church] will make much bigger demands on the initiative of her individual members…

The real crisis has scarcely begun. We will have to count on terrific upheavals. But I am equally certain about what will remain at the end: not the Church of the political cult, which is dead already, but the Church of faith. She may well no longer be the dominant social power to the extent that she was until recently; but she will enjoy a fresh blossoming and be seen as man’s home, where he will find life and hope beyond death.”

Smaller but stronger. A Church who’s strength is built not on the amount of her followers but the depth of her love for God and neighbor.

What Do We Do?

So how should we treat those who speak against us? With love.

How should we behave towards those with same sex attractions? Love.

What should we do to those who support and provide abortions? Love.

How should we treat our enemies? Love.

Jesus forgiving the sins of Mary Magdalen

But – and forgive me for using a phrase that Savage employed – not a “pansy-ass” love that says that everything is fine no matter what you do. A love that is rooted in truth. A love that is rooted in mercy. A love that is rooted in Jesus Christ.

Our love of God and neighbor means we can’t be silent on these issues, no matter what persecution we will face, no matter what people may think of us when we do. And when we speak we must do so “with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than from doing evil.” (1 Peter 3:16-17)

Don’t expect to be understood. Don’t be surprised at the trial. And don’t lose hope for this culture. “Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Read more from Bob at his blog Bob-Rice.com

I’ve always thought the expression “people person” was kind of funny. I mean, I understand being a dog person or a cat person. You may like them and you may not. But how can you not like people? I guess I thought everyone was a people person! I consider myself a people person because I’ve always loved being around people and my friends make me so happy. However, sometimes I take this to extremes and rely on the people around me for everything.

In highschool, my family split up and I felt very alone. I didn’t realize that there’s a big difference between loneliness and being alone. We can often feel loneliness . . . but we are never alone.

God promises that He will never leave us. “Be strong and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the LORD, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) Don’t take those words lightly.

An Emptiness

In the midst of this hard time in life, I felt a void and I looked everywhere for fulfillment, joy, and a sense of worth. One of the places I tried to find those things was in relationships. Even if the relationships seemed healthy, I was putting the other person before Christ and didn’t know how damaging it was.

A good friend once told me that Jesus should be the first person you want to talk to in the morning and the last person you want to talk to before bed. That really challenged me to ask myself: “Is He my focus? What if God is waiting anxiously for me to wake up so He can walk with me through another day, and I don’t even acknowledge Him?”

I found that how I felt about myself was directly related to what people around me say and think about me. My self-worth was constantly rising and falling. This might be the case for a lot of people, and it’s really twisted. I don’t know if you’ve been there, but I have.

You’re My Everything

In this particular relationship after my parent’s divorce, the girl I was dating became everything to me. I drew my worth from her compliments and her attention. I drew my joy from her company. I wasn’t simply finding joy in her and recognizing Christ in her, I was putting her first in my life before Christ.

She was the one I would go to with all my problems. I went to church to see her, not Jesus. And Jesus loved me through it all. When that relationship fell apart, so did I. For months, I considered myself friendless. I had pushed so many people aside to pursue one girl. Our Lord was there with me when it all came crumbling down.

I’m not saying you can’t find joy in your relationships. You should be able to recognize Jesus in the people around you, and that should bring you joy. What I’m saying is this: You need to go to Christ first.

End of story.

He alone can satisfy. I wish I knew this from reading it somewhere. The truth is, I know it from experience. I know it from putting Jesus last and trying to find my fulfillment in a relationship. I know Jesus fulfills because I tried everything else and I came up empty.

What About You?

Maybe some of this struck a chord with you. I want you to slow down. There’s no need for sudden change or worry. Just think about these questions, pray about them, and amend to make Jesus your first love and first priority in new ways. You’ve heard some of these questions before. Don’t just skim them. Accept the challenge.

• Do you feel like you’re constantly trying to earn love?
• Where do you find fulfillment?
• Is your relationship leading you to Jesus? Are you leading the other person to Jesus?
• Is love for God what drives you?
• Do you recognize Christ in the other person? Is Christ recognizable in you?
• Who is the first person you run to?

Please know that I’m praying for you, our Mother is guiding you, and God is fighting for you.

“What color are my eyes?”

Guys, have you ever heard that before from a girl? It’s the carefully laid trap by a girl who knows when she is being looked at in a lustful way. Gentlemen, it can only get worse from there. Contrary to what we might think, there isn’t an answer that will equal a “get out of jail free” card like in Monopoly. Even if you manage to mumble through her correct eye color, chances are she is still feeling hurt from your eyes only looking at her body instead of appreciating her as a person.

It’s not only guys who struggle with this sin. Both guys and girls think that something as simple as checking a person out just for their “hot bod” isn’t a big deal. It is a big deal though, and any person can tell you they can feel the difference from when someone looks at them with love or with lust. It’s degrading.

You can look at the 9th commandment and think; “Coveting my neighbor’s wife” doesn’t exactly apply to me as a teen. Let’s take a deeper look at it and see precisely why it does apply to you.

It’s the Thought That Counts

In Matthew 5:28, Jesus says that, “Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

When Jesus said this, it was completely radical, because he revealed that lust (something that happens inside your heart) is a sin just as much as an external action. What we think with our minds and desire in our hearts is a big deal.

“For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. ‘The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness.” (Matthew 6:21-23)

At Mass on Sunday, we make a public confession and ask for forgiveness for not only our actions but for what goes on in the heart and mind:

“I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words”

Lust Wounds Love

When you lust after someone, either in physical actions or in thoughts, it wounds your ability to love and be loved. Lust is deliberately inflaming a sexual desire or temptation that naturally comes to you.

Pope John Paul II always said that loving is the opposite of using. Love requires sacrifice, responsibility and a total commitment to the other person. Jesus showed us the model referenced in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church.”

A quick look at any crucifix will remind us how Christ loved the Church: by laying down his life! So when you reduce someone to an object for pleasure, it excludes God’s plan for love. Bishop Fulton Sheen once said that lust turns love into poison. Lust turns something that is designed to be given away (love) and turns it into something that’s only about “me” and what “I” can get from the other person.

Don’t confuse every lustful thought as a mortal sin. There’s a difference between thoughts that are brought on by ourselves and entertained and ones that pop up and are dismissed. Pray for help in the moment for Jesus to cleanse your mind of the image or thought!

Blessed Are the Pure of Heart (Matthew 5:8)

Just as looking at someone lustfully damages love and tears someone down, looking at someone lovingly affirms their dignity and can build them up. We have to untrain our eyes and hearts from lust and back to love. Purity in the heart is what we should strive for. God can clean the gunk built up in us through lust of the eyes and give us a heavenly vision.

“If, by love and right living, you wash off the filth that has become stuck to your heart, the divine beauty will shine forth in you. Think of iron, which at one moment is dark and tarnished and the next, once the rust has been scraped off, shines and glistens brightly in the sun. It is the same with the inner core of man, which the Lord calls the heart. It has been in damp and foul places and is covered in patches of rust; but once the rust has been scraped off, it will recover itself and once more resemble its ‘original design’ . And whoever is pure in heart is blessed because, seeing his own purity, he sees the ‘original designer’ reflected in the image” ~St. Gregory of Nyssa

Ask God to help you if you struggle with this sin. Here are some do’s and don’ts for the ninth commandment.

How To Obey The Ninth Commandment

Don’t

• Lust after another person, either in your thoughts or your actions. This damages your ability to love and be loved.
• Look twice. A girl I knew once said, “I know my dad looks at other women. But he never looks twice.” Be the witness when people around you are undressing a person with their eyes. It could change hearts even if they never tell you.
• Give up. It can seem like trying to stop a waterfall by cupping your hands under it, but purity is possible in the world today. It’s worth fighting for, and God’s grace is enough for us to do it!

Do

• Men, turn lust into a blessing. Praise God for His masterful artistry when you see a beautiful woman, don’t praise yourself and turn it into a disordered lustful reality. Use your bodies to glorify God in whatever you do (1 Corinthians 10:31).
• Build up and affirm brothers and sisters in Christ for modesty in dress, speech, and actions. It’s a battle to be pure and we need to hear encouragement in our walk.
• Filter what you feed your heart and mind when it comes to tv shows and movies. Know what causes you to sin and get rid of it from your life. “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:29).
• Pray for your future spouse every day. Place your trust in God to prepare that person to be with you for the rest of your life/bring you to Heaven. Trust Him to prepare you, too!

Scripture to meditate on:
Colossians 3:5, Matthew 5:8, Galatians 5:19-21, Matthew 15:19, 1 John 2:16, Ephesians 2:3, Galatians 5:16, Philipians 4:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:7

Catechism on the 9th Commandment: 2514-2527

“With all the strength of my soul I urge you young people to approach the Communion table as often as you can. Feed on this bread of angels whence you will draw all the energy you need to fight inner battles.

- Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati

It’s such an honor to be able to write just for you girls this time. I love being able to share with you some of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past couple years about being a woman and being a Catholic. It took me a long time to learn these things! I hope you can put this advice to good use in your own life.

I’m Emotional

Emotions are not bad, but don’t let them control you. If you’re sad, cry. If you’re angry, let it out in a healthy way (like exercise, or venting on paper). If you’re happy and you know it shout “hurray.” That idea is not original, actually.

The point is, don’t bottle up your emotions inside because later they’ll explode. Trust me, I did it all the time – both the bottling and the exploding part. Being a woman means feeling a lot of different emotions. We get kind of a bad rap for that. But we don’t have too!

You have the power to use your emotions for good. When you’re upset about something, ask God to comfort you and heal the wound. In the future you’ll be a more compassionate and empathetic person because you know what it’s like to hurt. Instead of acting out against someone when they make you angry, take just 10 seconds to cool off before you say something you’ll regret.

Don’t let your emotions control you – there’s a strong woman beneath that emotion and a wiser woman after that emotion.

Did You Hear?

Don’t gossip and try not to listen to gossip. Every time I do, I feel terrible afterwards.

Picture this:
What if I spill some nasty rumor I heard about a guy named Phil to my friend Emma. Before, Emma never thought badly of Phil or questioned his motive for something. Now though, every time she sees him, she thinks of what I told her and can’t help but think of Phil in an uncharitable way. And who’s fault is that? It’s my fault for introducing those mean thoughts.

There are so many people hurt by gossip. You hurt yourself, those you gossip to, and those you’re talking about. Once a priest told me, “Don’t talk about other people’s issues or problems unless you have a serious reason or need to do something constructive about it.”

What Do I Do?

Spiritual direction – get it. There are usually about 56 things going on in my heart – on a good day. Who doesn’t need objective, drama-free advice once in a while? I was totally scared of spiritual direction. And now that I think about it . . . I can’t really remember why.

You can share whatever you’re comfortable with and in exchange get free, Catholic advice. This has been a huge blessing in my life and one of the reasons I’m the person I am today. Find someone you can trust. It’s great to have a priest or nun because they have special graces from God. However, if you ask your diocesan office, they probably have some lay spiritual directors too!

Help Me Feel Better

Don’t lean on anything or anyone but Jesus when you’re low. Chocolate, boys, spending money . . . whatever it is you rely on to help you feel better, how long does it work? How long until you need more chocolate, a different guy’s attention, more clothes and shoes?

There’s a Jesus sized hole in your heart and until you let Him be the one to fill it, everything else won’t satisfy. Sit with Jesus in prayer, journal and tell Him how you feel, what’s upset you. Open up Scripture and let Him love you through His words. It’s great to have other people to support you but ultimately, you have to let Jesus have that #1 spot in your heart.

Get Off the Scale

Do you care if you best friend gains a couple pounds on her hips? She’s your best friend for a lot of reasons and the size of her hips is not one of them. (At least it shouldn’t be!) People feel the same way about you – no one cares if you have a little gut.

You’re not going to be happier by obsessing over your weight and feeling guilty about every little thing you eat. Let it go. Of course, you have to be healthy and a good diet and regular exercise are part of what makes you a well rounded, balanced person. All I’m saying is don’t go overboard, don’t stress about it.

If it matters to the people you hang around – go hang around new people. You are beautiful because you are a woman, not because you’ve achieved a size 2 at Hollister.

Wait For It

So I can’t finish this advice without talking about boys. If I could tell you girls one thing, it would be this – wait for the man who God intended for you.

Try not to just date so that you won’t be lonely. Date someone who respects you. Dating can be a great way to understand guys better – how they think, how to communicate with them . . . etc. When you meet your future husband do you want to tell him about all the guys you’ve screwed around with, or tell him about the guys who’ve helped you become a better person? There’s a big difference.

Don’t forget though that it’s never too late to recommit to purity. When we’re forgiven by God, the past is forgotten. He said, “Behold, I make all things new.” (Revelation 21:5)

Last Thing . . .

Being a woman is an incredible blessing. Look to our mamma Mary as a model and pray to her to help you understand what kind of woman God wants you to be. I hope you can take all this advice to heart because it came from mine.

Last thing – just one word girls: pinterest.

Hey girls, have you ever wondered if there’s a secret to getting a guy to like you? Well . . . there’s not just one, there’s 10!

They’re an easy 10, but there is a catch. This list isn’t just to get any guy to like you; it’s a list to get the right guy to like you. Why? Because you are awesome and beautiful and that’s what you deserve. You don’t deserve just anyone who’s going to take you for granted and mistreat you. You deserve the best.

I hope and pray you believe that too.

Whether single or in a relationship, dating can be a wonderful, exciting, intimidating, and sometimes bizarre event. The stress of just figuring out what to wear can send you over the edge. Then there are all the other details. Who is paying? Where do we go? Do we show affection? How do I flirt? Or more importantly, how do we just survive those crippling embarrassing moments.

Maybe you are like me and awkward moments never seem to end. If so, here are some fun tips to help your dates go a little smoother than mine:

Dance.

Dating is like a dance.

• For the guys: Learn to take the lead. Initiate. Ask a girl out and make a plan. One of my worse first dates I ever had was getting into a car with a guy and him saying, “So, what do you want to do?” We ended up driving around the city for 45 minutes never finding a place to eat. It was horrible. Although I like to share my input in the date, I really want the man to show some initiative early in the relationship. It shows me the guy cares and is interested in me enough to think through the date.
• For the girls: Learn to also receive. Accept his compliments. And acknowledge his efforts. Guys need our affirmation, too. So make sure you are appreciative of their time and care. Let them open the doors for you. And don’t try to dominate. It is a beautiful gift when we allow men to pursue us.

Be Creative

“Dinner and a movie night” again!? The same boring dates can get pretty lame after a while. So get creative. Go to the zoo, the symphony, or play minature golf. One of my favorite dates was carving pumpkins for Halloween in my boyfriends mom’s kitchen . . . Your date doesn’t have to even be expensive: Go sleding in the winter. Play in the leaves in the park. Having some fun activities keeps the time moving and conversation flowing.

Ask Questions

Good conversation is the key to a great date. There is nothing worse than when there is an awkward silence or when one person is controlling the conversation. And for the gentleman, (let me give you a hint): women like to talk about themselves. It’s a known fact! So get to know her: ask about her interests, what she likes, and who she is. This makes us feel desired and cared for. Women, return with a similar interest in the guy. Great communication is the key to a successful date.

*** Top Secret Advice and Tips***
Before the date, spend some time thinking of some questions or ideas, conversations starters in case you get nervous. (Write bullet points out with a few ideas if that helps you) It may sound dorky, but it will ease your anxitey. Think of topics like what happened at school, sports, funny stories from your week, questions about music, your faith, favorite subjects, etc. (I used to prep like this before sales meetings when I had to converse with new people I didn’t know. It really helped.) With a little mental prep time, you can walk into the date feeling confident you will have a few stories and questions to move conversation along.

Focus on the Friendship

The key to a happy dating relationship is focusing on the friendship. Guys: don’t make jokes or focus on physical aspects with the girls (that’s a big turn off). Girls: don’t start imagining your children with them after the second date either (you will scare them away). The key is to trust in God and focus on the friendship as the center piece before the romantic.

Emotional Boundaries

Don’t share too much. Don’t talk about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or your weird uncle who is in jail on the first date. I have had that happen, too. Bad news. Just remember to take your time to unveil the beauty of the relationship slowly.

Turn off your cell phone!

There’s nothing more unattractive then having a date text or pick up calls during a date. (Unless your grandmother is in the hospital or it’s some emergency, it can wait!)

Be Yourself and Roll With the Punches

As we all know not everything goes perfect on a date, but if you are perfectly YOU that is all your date can ask for. Don’t try to put on a front or something you “think” you should be. Because the person with you is not trying to date an “idea” or image of you . . . They are trying to date the true YOU.

• So Ladies: Don’t be afraid to eat more than a salad at dinner if you are hungry . . .
• Men: don’t be afraid to be show you actually like that chick-flick. It makes you that much more endearing.

Be patient with the dating process, and don’t swear the small stuff. If something goes wrong, spinach gets stuck in your teeth, roll with it. Dating is all about the adventure. So jump in, ask Life Teen and me allot of questions, and enjoy what God has in store!

I always have the worst dates.

Seriously, the movie How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days has nothing on me. My dating disasters have been frequent and broad in their range of humiliation: I have been taken to the hospital, spilled my drink over my date’s new couch, called the guy by the wrong name, got lost and stuck in a ditch, and laughed so hard I choked on my meal nearly causing the waiter to perform the Heimlich.

And you wonder why I am still single?

But wait there’s more. Here are my top two worst date experiences.

. . . Are you ready?

Blowing Chunks Never Looked so Attractive

Once I went on a date with a guy from work named Sean. He took me to a nice restaurant 45 minutes away in a small, quaint town near Lake Michigan. We ordered this great meal, and about half-way through the appetizer, I noticed that my stomach started swirling. I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. Maybe it was just some gas.

But NO . . . this was not gas. As Sean continued to talk, my stomach got worse. I started sweating. My head started pounding, and then this nauseous feeling suddenly overtook me and WHAMMO . . . I started dry-heaving at the table!!!

My date was still mid-sentence! I covered my mouth and abruptly ran to the bathroom and projectile vomited directly in the restaurant sink . . . That was attractive and humiliating! My second date with Sean was better, but the possibility for romance had definitely gone down the pipes along with my up-chucked appetizer.

Trash Talk Goes Bad

My second favorite date memory was when I went skiing with a new cute fella’ named Brian. I am not the best skier, but I’m always up for a challenge. Flirting as you would suspect, Brian starts some casual and playfully “trash talk” while we ski . . . I have a competitive spirit, so I flirt back.

In the fun banter, Brian challenges me to a “black-tip” slope (the most dangerous). Although the thought of this makes me want to pee my pants, I dismissively accept. You’re on! And off we go.

To make a long story short. I get to the top of the hill and look down in a panic, but I can’t go back! I push off the slope, and within two seconds, I do the most horrific wipe out the human race has ever seen. My skies, gloves, hat, and polls fly in every direction, (also known for skiing regulars as a “yard sale”). My body twists and tumbles, contorting in ways I didn’t think humanly possible. I actually hear the squeals and screams of horror from the viewers watching from the above sky lift as I roll 30 ft.

I laid there humiliated. “Am I dead?” No, but I’m injured. And with the pain from my body, I can’t move. The next thing I know, security closes down the slope, and the Ski Patrol comes to get me. How humiliating!!

Three men in orange jackets lift me onto a stretcher and zip me up in the 6 foot bag on a sled–[Please imagine me waving to my cute date, as they zip (zippppppp) the orange bag over my head]. I of course get emotional and have to be taken to the emergency room. Our night of fun has turned into a night of waiting rooms, x-rays, and insurance forms. And I learned a powerful lesson in what proverbs says with need to control my tongue!

Have I scared you from ever wanting to embark on another date again? . . .

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

Okay, my point in this blog is not to scare you with my ridiculous and funny stories, but to welcome you back to the reality of the human condition . . .

Be Not Afraid

Television over-romanticized love. It makes us think that at every date: music plays in the background, you always look amazing, have the right thing to say, and lilies magically appear in the fields at every street corner. But that has never been my experience. When two people come together, it’s messy. It’s sometimes scary, and always imperfect. But do not be afraid. It is in the messiness that we find the humanity of God . . . Who took on human flesh, our brokenness, to show us real love.

Although dating can be an intimidating, and sometimes bizarre event. It also can be really beautiful and a lot of fun, too. Dating helps us learn about ourselves, the opposite sex, grow personally and spiritually, and hopefully not take ourselves too seriously in the process.

So remember: If you get a flat tire, spill spaghetti on your lap, laugh so hard milk comes our your nose, or you squeeze out a “silent but deadly” fart at the table. Roll with it! Laugh it off and don’t sweat the small stuff. The awkward silences will get better as you learn to relax and enjoy the ride. And maybe if you are lucky, the two of you will have something funny to remember and laugh about for next year’s Valentine’s Day!

Every man is fighting a great battle. The culture has a greater impact on our formation than we realize, or like to admit.

In high school, I played football and ran for track and field. As a young man just coming into my faith, it was tough to see and hear the guys talk about women in a way that was so degrading. It forced me to question what the truth was. I was learning about God and His plan for us, but what the other guys were saying was completely contradictory to what God was saying.

I got to a point where I looked at what society was telling me would make me happy regarding women: sex, popularity and partying; and I asked myself, “Is that it? Is this as good as it gets in life?”

There was something inside me that wasn’t satisfied with that. There was a burning in my heart for so much more. I knew that God had greater plans. So that’s what I fought for and continue to fight for today.

Aside from those situations I experienced, there are so many things guys encounter every day that teach us ideals about manhood that lead in a thousand directions. Consequently, girls are left with a multitude of ideas about what guys are looking for in them.

As a man of God who cares for his sisters in Christ, I want to lovingly clarify some things that get lost in translation.

Myth: Girls need to wear make-up for guys to find them attractive.

Guys don’t want girls who change who they are to try to fit in. This applies to just about any myth you can think of. We know you want to look beautiful, but to us, make-up isn’t your face, and certainly isn’t what makes a man tremble in your presence. Your eyes, your smile, and personality are qualities we fall for. “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, ‘cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” Bruno Mars sums it up well in his song “Just The Way You Are”.

Confidence is attractive. It’s very alluring to know a girl who is strong in who she is and Whose she is.

Myth: Guys want girls who are big flirts.

In the emphatic words of Dwight K. Schrute to Jim Halpert, “False!”

The heart of a man is wired to fight for a girl’s heart, and to lead her to Christ. It is damaging to our masculinity when a girl is too forward. We want to earn the right to your heart, not have it freely available to anyone who gives you attention.

It’s good to throw some helpful signals that you are interested in a guy to pursue you. Use words and actions (like compliments) that show a guy that you are interested in him in a way that’s not on the same level as any other guy friend. It can be very encouraging to a guy who finds decoding mixed signals in girls maddening. Please communicate yourself clearly to guys about what you are looking for and what you stand for.

Guys want to be on the same page with you, but without help your heart can be like a Rubik’s cube!

Myth: Only the girls who reveal more skin get attention.

While it is true that girls who show more skin get attention, it is not the kind of attention you want if what you’re looking for is love.

Guys lust after girls who are dressed immodestly, and it changes the way they respect and value the girl. Your worth is not in your body, it’s found in God. Since you are a daughter of the living God, you have a great dignity that deserves to be honored. You have a great power in the way you dress. A guy can see that you respect yourself and demand respect from others.

Modesty is attractive! Modesty is more than just clothing, it’s how a girl carries herself, speaks and treats others. Gossip, constantly comparing yourself to others/jealousy, and selfishness are all unattractive. Yet treating others with love, with heartfelt compassion, and qualities found in Col 3:12-14 can move even the hardest of hearts.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection” Col 3:12-14

You girls have a power to inspire us guys. When a woman sets her standards high and her heart on God, a man will ascend to and fight for her. I once heard a bishop say, “True femininity will bring any man to his knees.”

Look for a guy who will lead you to Jesus.

At a holy hour with my youth group, we meditated on the woman who touched Jesus’ cloak and was healed in Mark 5:21-34.

As I prayed, I saw an elderly CORE team member get up from his pew, and his wife of many years stood up with him. He’s a classy, older, Italian man. One time he told the teen guys about the first time he met her. He said it was a time when a man knew how to treat a lady.

As they left the pew, he extended his elbow for her and reverently and lovingly walked with her by his side to the altar, where Jesus Christ was present in the Eucharist. They knelt down and prayed as they touched the cloth under the monstrance. I was moved to tears and decided that from that night on – that is the kind of relationship I would wait and fight for.

Girls, pray for purity, and pray for your brothers in Christ. We need your prayers like a car needs gasoline! I will pray for you as well.

May you may be filled with the love of God, and be affirmed in that love, so that you might bring the joy of Christ to all of the men in your life.

Wait, one more thing . . . don’t be a cat lady! Guys are not attracted to cat ladies.

Recommended reading:

• The Privilege of Being A Woman by Alice von Hildebrand
• How to Find Your Soulmate (Without Losing Your Soul) by Jason and Crystalina Evert

Are you looking for some creative date ideas to do with a special someone this month? Valentines day is right around the corner and why not celebrate in a fun and creative way?

There is no reason why you cannot make this date the Best. Date. Ever.

Say “Goodbye” to boring because here are some ideas to help spark your imagination:

Rock ‘n Rollin’ Fun

So remember in elementary school when the cool thing to do was to go to the roller rink? At some point it became ‘uncool.’ But let’s be honest, that was so much fun! Let’s reclaim the ‘swag’ of roller skates, and why not do it with a significant other? So this time when it’s time for the couple skate you’re not awkwardly leaving the rink.

You can make this date even more fun by making it all about elementary school fads. Chicken nuggets and Mac’n cheese would be the ideal dinner menu. Followed by a large amounts of pop rocks, warheads, and ring pops for a sugar high, of course. To end the night, make sure to play an intense game of Battle Ship or Sorry.

Have a FAN-tastic day together

The two of you can pick someone, whether it’s a parent, a sibling, or a mutual friend and become their biggest fans for the day. That means you find out their schedule that day and cheer them on at every point. Of course, pick someone that wouldn’t mind you essentially stalking them for the day. (Maybe giving them some sort of warning would be a good idea.)

But, when they’re going to their third hour math class . . . hold up signs that say, “Have some 3.14159!” (Get it? If not, maybe you should sit in on that math class with them.) Plan to have your dinner with them that day, and spend the dinner as a couple affirming that person. Air horns and face paint is a must.

Basically, celebrate the life of a friend or family member together for the day. The joy in a relationship should overflow into every other relationship – so, do things that day to spread your love and joy to others.

Learn a dance together

There’s nothing more fun than learning something new together. Do some research around where you live and try to find dance studios that offer ballroom dancing lessons. Whether you two learn salsa, swing, or the fox trot – learning a specific type of dance is the perfect way to not only expand your knowledge of dance, but also of each other.

More random (and fun) date ideas

• Go to your local grocery story and find a cooking magazine. Pick an appetizer, main dish, and desert out of the magazine and buy all the necessary ingredients. Cook it together and you could even pretend you’re on a cooking show while you’re at it.
• Map out a long drive and have a mini-road trip. Of course, don’t leave out all the fun road trip games (ABC game, Valley of the Green Glass Doors, etc.) If you need to go to the bathroom, stop at a fast food restaurant. Pack lunches and bring a camera. Make every stop, a tourist stop. You could end the night with a picnic in your own back yard… (worth the drive, right?)
• Go to Goodwill and pick out outfits for the other person (modest is hottest) and wear them to dinner afterwards. The more ridiculous, the better.
• Watch a movie on mute and add in your own script.
• Make a story book together with pictures that highlights your relationship.

Basically, anything that the two of you can get to know each other and have fun while doing could be considered an awesome date!