2017-04_LT-GirlFight

Drama/Family and Friends/My Relationships

When Girls Fight: How to Deal with Lady Drama

It’s like a slap in the face when it happens.

The words you’ve been secretly harboring deep down inside of you come bubbling up like a volcanic eruption. She had to go there, didn’t she? She had to say something that would hit you at the core, that would cause you to re-discover everything you are self-conscious about. And, before you can stop it, you find yourself caught in the middle of a full-on girl fight.

Nasty words. Cold shoulders. Bitter stares.

Sometimes, we have ourselves to blame for this conundrum. Sometimes, we dig our own graves. But, most of the time, we find ourselves staring down this situation with disbelief. How in the world did we get here?

Whatever the reason we find ourselves at this place of brokenness, there are five concrete steps you can take to dealing with a girl fight, but most importantly, moving on with peace and dignity.

1. Hold the Phone

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Our emotions can be a powerful aid in helping us to understand what it is that we are feeling. But, it’s important to keep them in check. After all, God gave us both emotion and logic. A conversation can get heated quickly when fueled by those feelings. When you find yourself in the middle of the cross-fire of hurtful words and confusing reasoning, walk away before something is said you can’t take back. Make sure to make it clear though as to why you want to walk away. Something as simple as, “I need to walk away from this conversation before I say something I regret, but I really want to resolve this issue. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

2. Assess the Situation

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Once you’ve taken that step back it’s easier to see the full picture (Romans 12:2). Recognize it’s okay to be angry about what just happened. But, from there move forward. Pray and ask God to provide the clarity and courage to know what to do and say.

Ask God to help you to see your sister’s point of view, and reach out to a trusted friend or mentor for advice. Keep in mind though, this is about solving the issue at hand. Be careful to avoid this as an opportunity for gossip.

3. Follow Up – In Person!

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This is probably the most difficult and terrifying step. It takes a lot of courage and character to resolve a problem face-to-face. You may feel awkward about it, but it is so important to do so. Express what upset you, but then listen. Listen to their side of the story with open ears and an understanding heart. Ask questions and try to understand the reasons for what caused the fight or disagreement in the first place. You’d be surprised the clarity this may bring to your friendship.

If you don’t foresee this going well, bring in a mutual friend to mediate (Matthew 18:15-16). But, be aware of your intentions, this should be a real mediator, not someone you’re asking to be a part of the conversation just to side with you.

4. Apologize (but only when you really mean it)

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You know the saying, “Don’t apologize unless you really mean it?” Yeah, there is real truth to it. A disingenuous apology is not actually an apology. If it takes you a few days to get to the point where you can apologize for your part in this fight and actually mean it, then wait. But, don’t use this as an excuse to avoid an apology altogether. It’s amazing the grace God wants to give you to accomplish hard tasks when you ask Him.

5. Make Goals for the Future

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Experiencing a fight – regardless of the outcome – can be a frustrating experience. But, with the right outlook, it can be a fruitful opportunity to really learn some hard lessons about yourself. Once you’ve made amends with this friend, take steps for the future to ask yourself, from what you’ve learned, how you can be a better friend. Sometimes though, a fight can be a reflection of the friend or friend group you are a part of. Never be afraid of walking away from friends that normalize this “mean girl” behavior. You deserve so much better than that.

In the end, what is really important is that you know that you are loved by a Divine Father and that He has the perfect friends picked out just for you. The ones who will love you so well.

I don’t know what I would do without the girlfriends who lift me up and teach me of God’s love. These are the friends that won’t even question whether or not to lift me up or put me down. These are the friends that care more about my heart than their own self-interest. But, I do understand these friends are sometimes hard to find, and it can be frustrating to have the patience when you feel so lonely and isolated. I’ve totally been there.

Do not give up, my sisters! Like a flower in the desert, good friends often pop up in the most unexpected of places. Keep praying specifically for these holy friends, keep asking others to pray for you. God’s got you covered!

Lord Jesus, thank you for your friendship. You have always been there for me, to comfort, guide and correct me when I need it the most. Lord, please bring the right people into my life, who would motivate me to become closer to you and remove the wrong ones that pull me away. Strengthen my present friendships so that they will be based on you and your word. If you will it, renew the past friendships that have died, and let me be an example, leading my friends to you always.
In your most precious name I pray, Amen.

About the Author

Rachel Penate

I am a Wisconsin girl at heart who has a slight obsession with the band Switchfoot. When I was little I dreamed of becoming a professional figure skater, but instead found myself studying Education. Currently I reside in the great, yet terribly hot state of Arizona, and serve as Assistant to the Executive Vice President of Life Teen. I love most: my job, the ocean, running half-marathons, my sweet daughter Cecilia, husband Robbie, and above all — my Lord. Follow me on Instagram @r_penate and Twitter @LT_rachelp.