Are you going to see Twilight? (See title for my answer to that question.)
My parentals would be thrilled by my wise choice. Maybe yours don’t care. Maybe your mom thinks your “Team Jacob” shirt means you joined your town soccer league. I don’t know. I’m just making stuff up . . . I don’t really know your mom. (I know it’s your grandma who would think that.)
I’m not here to approve or disapprove of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2. I’m here to say in all honesty that you’d probably have more fun reading a Jane Austen book tonight! (Stop it Christina, you’re losing all your cred when you say such nerdy things!)
But really. I have my reasons why I’m not going to see it. I took it to prayer and quickly realized that I actually have five solid reasons to stay home.
1. Because this is not me.
I am not made of money. I’m made of skin and bones and coffee and that won’t get me into a movie. Why spend $15 to go to the theater when I would rather spend that money on one sock at Anthropologie?
2. I don’t like the books
I also have not read all of the series because I have a hard time finding enough hours in the day to lie in fields of gold with piles of books.
I have a full time job! Plus a part time job cleaning the dishes my roommates and I manage to demolish . . . plus I have to sleep approx 9 – 11 hours! Let’s be real here. I read 1.5 Twilight books but got bored, bority, bored. (Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion… feel free to disagree but don’t throw things at me, I have a migraine.)
3. I’m not Kristen Stewart’s biggest fan.
She often looks mad….
Or as bored as an adult watching a Baby Einstein video…
And she doesn’t like to close her mouth, which is an interesting way to go through life. I would hate to be Kristen Stewart on a motorcycle in summer.
4. Vampires are weird
Sometimes I have bad dreams and the last thing I need is a vampire family chasing me in the wee hours of the morning. I mean, look at these guys. Pleasantville, right?
I can’t relate to them. My family is really white too, but that’s because they’re Irish and like to eat POTATOES not PEOPLE!
5. I’d rather hang out with my friends tonight.
It’s about as fun as this:
Minus the ducky necktie.
But this is a judgement free zone. If you’re going to see it I’ll judge you for free. And if your significant other is making you see it, well buddy . . . I got nothin’. That’s rough. Rough like no-shave November. Enjoy.
(For a more serious review of a couple Twilight movies, check out our Catholic Movie Review Podcast!)