Daniel Glaze

13 Things Actually Scarier Than Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th is considered an unlucky day in western superstition. It is widely regarded as the most unlucky day of the year. One study done by the North Carolina Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute found that nearly 17 to 21 million people suffer from a fear of the “Friday the 13th” superstition.

Luckily, we are Catholic, so we don’t believe in superstition. To help you prioritize your fear gage here is a list of 13 things ACTUALLY scarier than Friday the 13th.

13. Double Chin on Selfies

Two Chins! Nothing is worse than having two chins in one photo… on one person. The sheer horror of tilting your head forward while taking a selfie and seeing the resulting photo have more chins then God created you with, leaves some people speechless. Friday the Double Chin-teenth, more like it!

12. Feet

No explanation need.

11. #oomf

For those of you who don’t know what this means, “oomf” is an acronym for One Of My Friends. Many people use this acronym on social media to talk about one of their friends, without having to use said friend’s actual name. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a Twitter follower more than those four letters. The paralyzing uncertainty of not knowing if you are the “oomf” could make a grown man cry – I mean, I’ve cried before…

For Example:

“Like I am never talking to #oomf again! #Oomf didn’t respond to my text until 6 min after I texted oomf!” -@TheFartIsInOurStars

“#Oomf fell down the stairs today. He said oomf when he hit the ground.” – @onedirectionizmylyfe

“OMGosh #oomf has like 7million boogers in his nose!” – @myyouthministerlookslikeJustinTimberlake

The mental anguish people go through to figure out if they are the “oomf” is scarier than walking through a cemetery at midnight. Let’s hope aoof (All Of Our Friends) aren’t scared on Friday the 13th.

10. An Empty Toilet Paper Roll

Imagine this: You are sitting down just doing your business and the time for clean up arrives. When reaching for the white paper of salvation all you grab is brown the cardboard cylinder of death. Thinking of alternative opinions for wiping can scare the poop out of everyone involved. Emptying the toilet paper roll of Friday the 13th is a better option.

9. Texting & Driving

Ever been in a car and you see someone in the car next to you looking down at their phone WHILE DRIVING!?!?! These people are on the same roads as us. I shouldn’t need to explain why this is scarier than the 13th of the month coincidentally falls on Friday.

8. Not Knowing The 1st Commandment

This is the first commandment: I am the LORD your God: you shall not have strange Gods before me. The Catechism of the Catholic Church stats, in paragraph 2111, “superstition is… when one attributes an importance in some way magical to certain practices…” Basically, if you let superstitions rule any part of your life, you’re replacing God. Don’t replace God. Replace the fear of Friday the 13th.

7. Trusting God

Trusting in God is the scariest thing I do every day. As a human, I want to know that I am making the right decision, but the only One who knows that is God. Trusting God with your life is scary, but worth it 100%. You can trust God 100% on Friday the 13th because it’s just a normal day.

6. Being Lukewarm

Revelation 3:16: “So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out my mouth.” If you are lukewarm in your relationship with Christ, He will SPIT YOU OUT OF HIS MOUTH!! This is beyond a good enough reason to be cold toward Friday the 13th.

5. SIN

When we sin, we separate ourselves from God. How is that not scary!?! Run to the Sacrament of Reconciliation as if a villain from a scary movie is chasing you.

4.Eternal Hell

Speaking of separation from God. Hell is where you separated from God – FOREVER!! In hell there is eternal fire – Friday the 13th ain’t got nothin’ on hell.

3. – 1. This face!

Daniel Glaze’s crying face, 2013

Daniel Glaze’s crying face, 2013

Yes, this list is about Friday the 13th, but it goes for all superstition. In short, don’t jeopardize your relationship with God over silly and unreal superstitions.

Daniel Glaze

About the Author

I have yet to lose a youth minister dance battle. The Eucharist is my Arch Reactor. I have been told that my loudness breaks the sound barrier. Oh, I sometimes get mistaken for Justin Timberlake. Wanna socialize through online media with me? Hit me up - @D_Glaze